A therapist has shared a list of things parents should stop doing to their children to avoid leaving emotional scars.
Morgan Pommelis, a childhood trauma therapist from Ontario, Canada, shared helpful tips parents should use while raising their children on her Instagram account.
“Parenting is stressful, and no one expects parents to do it perfectly,” Pommelis said. “Children don’t even need perfect parenting, they just need ‘safe parenting.'”
Pommelis shared 12 things parents should stop doing with their children.
In Pommelis’s post, she shared a list of things she “begs” parents to read and implement in their parenting styles to prevent their children from having to sift through your childhood trauma once they enter adulthood.
“Yell at your kids as soon as you get home from work,” Pommelis wrote for the first issue. Both the second and third revolved around the same theme of not using emotional warfare to punish children. “Giving the silent treatment to the whole room and family when you’re upset.”
Pommelis added that parents should not wake their children with “loud or aggressive noises.” In the caption of his post, she expanded on these rules, noting that, psychologically, yelling at children does nothing but damage their nervous systems.
“All of these things can trigger the body’s stress response, which can cause us to jump into fight or flight and *stay there* if we have to continue living in fear,” he wrote.
Pommelis encouraged parents to avoid leaving emotional scars on their children.
For her third, fourth, and fifth lists of things parents should avoid, Pommelis explained that when parents cause deep emotional trauma to their children, those youngsters will grow up and often seek therapy to try to overcome the problem. toxic way their parents treated or talked to them.
“Treating siblings so differently that there’s a clear favourite,” she listed as the third point. “Saying, ‘I think I’m the worst mom then,’ when your kids say they’re hurt. Refusing to apologize because ‘you’re the parent,’ and therefore, ‘you don’t have to.'”
According to the data acquired by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, childhood trauma is quite common. More than two-thirds of children reported at least one traumatic event by age 16.
Pommelis stressed that if any child experienced this with their parents, they shouldn’t feel alone or unworthy because of it. “I promise you’re not alone. I promise you deserve so much better,” she insisted.
Pommelis pointed to the unrealistic standard of being a ‘perfect parent’, but rather a ‘safe parent’.
For The last points of Pommelis, explained that children should not have to be responsible for their parents’ feelings. “If you’ve lived long enough, you know that I always tell parents to stop working with their children,” she wrote.
“Expect the whole family to walk on eggshells when you’re in a bad mood Failing to protect your children from the other parent when that parent did something legitimately wrong or harmful. Relying on them for emotional support the way you would (with) a partner,” Pommelis stated as the sixth, seventh and eighth issues.
She commented that parents should prioritize their child’s safety in all situations, and if they don’t, their children will seek out a child therapist once they are older.
“Treating (your children) unfairly because ‘the world isn’t fair…’ this doesn’t really ‘prepare’ them for anything. Seeing your children as an ‘extension’ of you. They are so much more than this. Believing they should be grateful because you feed and house them. This is your job,” he concluded. listing the last three things parents should stop doing.
If parents actively use any of these tactics in their parenting style, it will only cause resentment in their children and drastically affect their self-esteem.
“To be clear: I firmly believe that 99.9% of parents are doing the best they can,” Pommelis clarified. “Most of these mistakes are made on a subconscious level. But that doesn’t mean there are no consequences or that we shouldn’t strive to improve.”
Being able to break the cycle of childhood trauma will only lead to a healthy transition into adulthood.
Parents play a crucial role in ensuring that their children have a safe and nurturing environment to grow up in, which helps minimize the risk of childhood trauma.
Conversely, when parents create a loving and safe environment, children are more likely to develop positive self-esteem and a strong sense of identity. This foundation can help them navigate social relationships, manage peer pressure, and build a positive self-image.
As Pommelis said, being a parent doesn’t come with a guide or training classes. It’s a makeshift job that lasts a lifetime and doesn’t stop once your children are 18 and are officially viewed as entering the beginning of adulthood.
It is important to keep in mind that no parent can fully protect their child from all possible sources of trauma. However, by actively working to break the cycle of their childhood trauma, parents can significantly reduce their risk and mitigate the impact of childhood trauma on their own children’s lives.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into today’s issues and experiences.
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