A trans model fleeing the ‘respectability trap’

Geena Rocero can stop traffic. This is more than a metaphor.

On a recent Saturday in Manhattan, he confidently pulled onto West 34th Street, shrugging and waving at a pulling car before hopping into a Lyft.

“I have counted: I can stop three lanes,” he said. “Not four.”

Ms. Rocero, 39, has honed the skill of attracting and diverting attention throughout her remarkable career, recounted in her new memoir, “Barbie Horse” leaves on tuesday The book features publicity notes by Gabrielle Union-Wade, Ronan Farrow, America Ferrera, and Jia Tolentino.

In the late 1990s, when she was 15 years old, Ms. Rocero was a beauty queen working on the transgender pageant circuit in the Philippines, where the shows air on national television. Her victories earned her as much money as fame. She said that her signature wig style, a side bang and flipped end, became a trend among her fellow beauty contestants.

At 17, she moved to San Francisco, where she worked at the Benefit Cosmetics makeup counter at Macy’s. “Almost every counter has a trans Filipino working there,” Rocero said. “That’s where I found my Filipino trans family.”

It’s also where she met a model who took her to a concert at an Armani store. The experience provided Ms. Rocero’s entrance into the industry. Her modeling eventually took her to New York, where she landed commercial jobs and lingerie shoots, she appeared in a John Legend music video and became a regular on the early 2000s bottle and model scene at clubs like the Marquee, BED and Cain.

In the Philippines, Ms. Rocero lived openly as a transgender woman with the support of both her relatives and chosen family, but she could not legally change her sex marker. In the United States, on the other hand, she was legally recognized as a woman in her documents, but she “stealthily” worked in the fashion industry, posing as a cisgender woman while living in constant fear that her identity her trans will ruin her career. .

She did her best to work undetected in the modeling industry. On sets, she would sometimes fake a neck injury to avoid exposing her Adam’s apple. Surgical scars from her were explained away as botched bikini waxes. She had tampons in her bag.

After eight years of modeling, hiding had affected her emotional and physical health, she said. She was tired and anxious, and she had developed a bad case of eczema.

After the 2008 financial crisis, Ms. Rocero explored careers in other fields: magazine publishing, sustainable trash bags, hydroponic gardening. Nothing quite stuck.

“She was always ambitious and always willing to rush,” said Ilka Robertson, 46, who has been a close friend of Ms. Rocero since 2009. “But I do think she lacked that focus and that vocation.”

While celebrating her 30th birthday in Tulum, Mexico, she told her boyfriend that she was ready to come out publicly. At that very moment, hundreds of newborn turtles suddenly appeared on the beach. She took it as a sign.

“I thought, ‘If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it in the best possible way,’” he said. “’I’m going to do it as a TED talk.’”

She delivered her speech, “why should i go out”, on March 19, 2014. The first TED Talk to focus on transgender issues, it has been viewed more than 3.6 million times.

Her TED appearance launched Ms. Rocero’s career as a public speaker. Beautiful and eloquent, she became a sought-after guest at high-profile gatherings such as the World Economic Forum’s annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland, and the Milken Institute Global Conference.

In the backseat of a car on the way to the West Village, she reflected on her shift from role model to advocate. “She was in a trap being sneaky,” she said. “And then I felt like I had walked into a new trap, which is respectability politics.”

Ms. Rocero said she never felt completely comfortable in the role of a trans model. At first, she was excited to take on what she called an Angelina Jolie character: a beautiful global champion of social issues. But then she realized that maybe she would rather be a Tyra Banks.

For her, that meant starting a production company and trying her hand at directing. She was also meant to pose for Playboy in 2019, only the second openly trans Playmate.

“Inés was the first,” said Rocero, referring to the French model. Ines Rau. “I am the first trans Asian Pacific Islander and the first trans Playmate of the year.” She proudly added that she had brought a Playboy reporter to a talk at the United Nations.

In the West Village, Ms. Rocero once again jaywalked as she approached Rosecrans, a combination flower shop and coffee shop. When I caught up with her, I told her that while she could stop traffic, I certainly couldn’t. “Sure you can,” she said with a toss of her hair. “You just have to believe it.”

She smelled flowers and sang along “Weak” by SWV before tucking into a carrot cake muffin and soy latte. She was enjoying a few days in New York before traveling to Miami to summit in the seaa symposium aboard a Virgin cruise ship, whose mix of lectures and parties has earned him the nickname “Learning Man.”

Richard Branson, the founder of the Virgin Group, whom Ms Rocero counts as a friend, was on board for the summit. In an email, Mr. Branson praised Ms. Rocero, writing, “In addition to what she has brought to these important conversations, she was always the first to get everyone dancing during our meetings!”

Was Ms. Rocero worried about getting seasick while on board the cruise? “No, I’m Moana, honey,” she said, laughing.

The theme of “Moana” sent her into a conversation about pre-colonial languages, the early Pacific trade routes that influenced Madagascar’s indigenous population, and the preponderance of fluid gender identities among Polynesian cultures.

“I am a closet anthropologist,” said Ms. Rocero. “There was a time when my IG handle was called ‘NatGeena.'”

Looking at her phone, Ms. Rocero realized she was late for a scheduled appearance at the PEN America Voices of the World Festival. Walking briskly toward Washington Square Park, she attempted to jaywalk once more, this time stopping dead as a car pulled into the right-of-way.

“It doesn’t always work,” he said with a chuckle. She arrived at the festival moments before the event started.

Speaking on a panel titled “Politicized: writing trans narratives today,described the two-year process of writing “Horse Barbie,” citing Anthony Bourdain and cathy park hong as literary inspirations.

According to Ms. Rocero, the title of her memoirs is a claim for an insult thrown at her during her parade days. Other girls called her “Horse” because of her dark skin, prominent upper lip, and long neck. Ms. Rocero’s mentor and, as she put it, “trans mother,” Tigerlily Garcia Temporosa, lovingly modified her epithet to “Horse Barbie.”

Ms. Garcia Temporosa, 46, who works as a stage manager for a live variety show in the Philippines, remains close with Ms. Rocero. The font used for the cover and chapter titles of “Horse Barbie” was created from Ms. Garcia Temporosa’s handwriting.

For years, Ms. Garcia Temporosa had to hide Ms. Rocero’s modeling success from her friends in the Philippines for fear that someone would leak her trans identity. “When she sent a magazine from the US, I hide it in my closet,” Ms. García Temporosa said during a recent video call.

Now, Mrs. García Temporosa has taken the magazines out of their hiding place.

Mrs. Rocero doesn’t hide anymore either. Her memoir doesn’t shy away from topics like colorism, gender disclosure, sex work, and the practicalities of medical transition.

During the panel at the literary festival, Ms. Rocero recounted an explicit passage from the book in which she demonstrates the mechanics of post-surgical orgasm for a trans woman.

“It is a pleasure that I wanted to share among trans sisters,” she said. “It’s something that we weren’t allowed access to for so long and to be able to share that and talk about it. …” Mrs. Rocero choked as she went off. She took a breath.

“I am crying with happiness,” he said. “These are tears of happiness.”