After his first TV interview discussing the Rust shooting aired Thursday on ABC News, the actor shared a social media post to his wife crediting her for giving him “a reason to live.”
“No matter what happens to me. No matter what I suffer. If I win or lose, anything. Anything. No one can take away from me the joy and love you have given me,” the 63-year-old wrote to his wife of nine years.
The 30 Rock alum went on to say, “These are tough times. The world is choked with fumes of hate. But you have given me a reason to live. Our life with our family is all I care about. Nothing else. I owe that to you.”
Alec’s post included a photo of him holding tight one of their six young children as the boy points in wonder at something by the water. The actor is also dad to an adult daughter from his first marriage whom Hilaria, 37, is close to.
During the ABC interview, Alec discussed how cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was fatally shot and director Joel Souza injured when the antique gun in his hand discharged a live round on Oct. 21.Â
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Baldwin said he was rehearsing a scene, in a church set on Bonanza Creek Ranch outside Sante Fe, N.M., and drawing his “cold gun” and cocking the hammer. He claimed Hutchins, who was working with the crew to set up the perfect camera, directed him to point the gun toward her.
He pulled “the hammer as far back as I could without cocking the actual gun,â€ Alec explained. â€œI’m just showing. I go, â€˜How ’bout that? Does that work? You see that? Do you see that?â€™ And then she goes, â€˜Yeah, that’s good.â€™ I let go of the hammer, bang! The gun goes off.â€
Alec claimed he had no idea the gun contained a live round â€” only blanks and dummies were to be used on the set â€”and he didn’t have his finger on the trigger. Rust assistant director Dave Halls, via his lawyer, has backed up Alec’s claim that the actor didn’t pull the trigger.
Alec said he never checked a gun before using it because, in his long career, it’s always been the prop person’s job to â€œdeclare the gun safe.â€ Nobody wanted an actor, who is inexperienced with weapons, to be the last one to touch it before a scene.
He also said he didn’t know Hutchins had been shot at first.
â€œShe goes down,â€ said Alec, who is also a producer on the film. â€œI thought to myself, â€˜Did she faint?â€™”
The set was evacuated, Hutchins was airlifted to a hospital and Souza went to a different local hospital via ambulance. Baldwin said it wasn’t until later, after the slug was removed from Souza’s arm, that he was told it was a live round.Â
Those infamous photos of a distraught Alec on the phone right after the shooting was him calling Hilaria to explain what happened.
Alec also spoke about his emotional state since the tragedy. He said he hasn’t slept in weeks.Â
â€œI would go to any lengths to undo what happened,” he said.
While he works through a range of emotions, he said guilt isn’t one of them.Â
â€œNo. No,â€ he replied. â€œI feel that someone is responsible for what happened, and I can’t say who that is, but I know it’s not me.â€
Alec, who is cooperating with investigators, added, â€œHonest to god, if I felt that I was responsible, I might have killed myself if I thought I was responsible. And I don’t say that lightly.â€
As for working again, Baldwin said he “couldnâ€™t give a sh*t” about his career anymore. The actor known for playing Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live is scheduled to make another film in January, but gave filmmakers an out if they didn’t want him under the circumstances. It could be his last project.
“I said to them, â€˜Do you wanna get out of it? Do you wanna get rid of me ’cause of what happened?â€™ They said, â€˜No.â€™ But I say to myself, â€˜Do I wanna work much more after this? Is it worth it?â€™â€ he said.
Alec is facing two lawsuits so far over the shooting along â€” along with a number of defendants, including Rust armorer Hannah Gutierrez Reed. He also said he understands and expects Hutchinsâ€™s widower, Matthew, to file a lawsuit as well.
Alec also said he’s been told it’s “highly unlikely” he would face criminal charges.
After the shooting, Alec left New Mexico and traveled back to the East Coast. His wife scrambled to get their kids out of New York City, knowing the paparazzi would descend on them, and rented a house in Vermont where they met up. Alec gave an impromptu interview to paparazzi there to try to get them to stop following him around the small town.
The couple has since returned to NYC, where Alec and his wife are spotted doing school runs and activities with their kids. The former yoga instructor has said, via social media, she worries about him suffering from PTSD. She has also shared video of them being trailed by the paparazzi with photographers shouting provoking comments at Baldwin like: “How [do] you feel [about] kill[ing] somebody?”
Baldwin deactivated one of his Twitter accounts ahead of the interview airing. He’s still on Instagram.