Key events
Manchester City 4-0 Bournemouth
Will Unwin was the Etihad to watch City put Bournemouth away with the minimum of fuss.
Arsenal 4-2 Leicester
Ed Aarons was at the Emirates to watch Arsenal enjoy an entertaining romp in the sunshine.
Brentford v Man Utd A reminder that Cristiano Ronaldo starts in the late game at the Gtech Community Stadium. Grab some popcorn and follow the match with Scott Murray.
“In response to Josse McMahon, and with apologies to everyone else, may I submit this PJ Harvey 11?” writes Brian Sharon.
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Meet Ze Roberto
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My Beautiful Leao
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C’mon Billy Sharp
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Shane Long Snake Moan
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Send Hislop To Me
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The Hasenhüttl And The Hustlers Whore
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Is This De Bruyne?
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Let Beth England Shake
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The Last Living Danny Rose
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50ft Dele
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Digne-Na-Gig.
I’ll take this over one of Mac Millings’ ‘humorous’ XIs all season long.
Full time: Wolves 0-0 Fulham
Another decent result for newly promoted Fulham, though it might have been better: Alexsandar Mitrovic’s late penalty was saved by Jose Sa.
Full time: Southampton 2-2 Leeds
An excellent comeback from Southampton, who were in all sorts before late goals from Joe Aribo and Kyle Walker-Peters earned them a point.
Full time: Arsenal 4-2 Leicester
Another very good day for New Arsenal. Gabriel Jesus, the darling of the Emirates, scored two and made two on his home debut.
Full time: Man City 4-0 Bournemouth
No goals from Erling Haaland, and barely any touches of the ball, but City still hammered Bournemouth.
Full time: Brighton 0-0 Newcastle
Brighton played very well but couldn’t score. Stop me if you think, etc.
Championship The QPR goalkeeper Seny Diang has scored an injury-time equaliser for QPR at Sunderland. All that next-level coaching from Michael Beale, and then the goalkeeper equalises.
“The assist for the second Southampton goal was Mara, not Aribo,” writes Thom Bilous. “Only sending that because it was an absolutely gorgeous hold up through ball and the creator definitely deserves credit, teeing up Kyle Walker-Peters for a beautiful drilled finish.”
This is why I love Clockwatch – the readers can see what the writer can’t. It’s groundbreaking journalism.
“Don’t know how Barcelona missed this typeface-based epiphany, but it’s definitely one of the very rare little videos to bring warmth to the cockles of the heart,” says Russell Richardson. “Having actually used it in “real life” I can attest it’s 100% true story. How did the club let it slip by?”
Brighton 0-0 Newcastle And now Pascal Gross has missed a superb chance to give Brighton the lead at the Amex Stadium. He’s playing against the wrong United today.
The latest Premier League scores
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Arsenal 4-2 Leicester
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Brighton 0-0 Newcastle
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Man City 4-0 Bournemouth
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Southampton 2-2 Leeds
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Wolves 0-0 Fulham
GOAL! Southampton 2-2 Leeds (Walker-Peters 81)
What a comeback from Southampton! Joe Aribo scored one and now he’s made one for Kyle Walker-Peters, who finished emphatically to bring Southampton level.
Arsenal 4-2 Leicester City Gabriel Jesus has missed a great chance for a hat-trick, shinning a bouncing ball into the side netting from four yards.
GOAL! Man City 4-0 Bournemouth (Lerma own goal 79)
Joao Cancelo’s cross is turned into his own net by Jefferson Lerma, and City’s Premier League record now reads P2 W2 D0 L0 F6 A0 Pts 6.
SA SAVES MITROVIC’S PENALTY!
Wolves 0-0 Fulham A big moment at Molineux, where Aleksandra Mitrovic’s penalty has been saved by Jose Sa.
Man City 3-0 Bournemouth
Erling Haaland misses a great chance and is then substituted. He has eight touches in his 74 minutes on the field.
GOAL! Arsenal 4-2 Leicester (Martinelli 76)
For the second time in the game, Leicester get back in the game then concede immediately. Gabriel Jesus (two goals, two assists now) lays the ball square to Martinelli, whose low, left-footed drive goes into the bottom corner.
GOAL! Arsenal 3-2 Leicester (Maddison 74)
Now then. James Maddison has given Leicester a fresh sniff at the Emirates, ramming a deflected crossshot past Aaron Ramsdale.
GOAL! Southampton 1-2 Leeds (Aribo 72)
Joe Aribo’s first goal for Southampton has given them hope of a comeback against Leeds.
The late game is Brentford v Manchester United, and the team news is just coming in. Scott Murray is following that one.
Bundesliga Ten-man Leipzig drew 2-2 with Koln, with Timo Werner scoring on his second debut for the club. You can see all the other results on our live scores page. That’s not clickbait, by the way, I just can’t be bothered to type Hoffenheim 3-2 Bochum.
Southampton 0-2 Leeds A small bit of good news for Southampton is that their next two games are against fellow Crisis Baton contenders: Leicester away, then Manchester United at home.
Arsenal 3-1 Leicester Arsenal should have had a penalty when Daniel Amartey booted Gabriel Jesus up in the air like an old sock. No idea why VAR didn’t get involved in that one.
Scotland
Another new signing, Antonio Colak, has put Rangers 2-0 up at home to St Johnstone. It’s been a good week at Ibrox.
GOAL! Southampton 0-2 Leeds (Rodrigo 60)
Two for Leeds, two for Rodrigo. Pascal Struijk was going to score anyway, according to Michael Dawson on Sky Sports, but Rodrigo made sure on the line.
The latest Premier League scores
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Arsenal 3-1 Leicester
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Brighton 0-0 Newcastle
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Man City 3-0 Bournemouth
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Southampton 0-1 Leeds
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Wolves 0-0 Fulham
GOAL! Arsenal 3-1 Leicester (Xhaka 55)
Leicester no longer have a sniff. Ben White’s simple cross is spilled inexplicably by Danny Ward straight to the feet of Gabriel Jesus. He touches it back to give Xhaka an open goal. Sorry to say, that was a bad error from Ward.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-1 Leicester (Saliba 53 og)
Leicester have a sniff at the Emirates. They kept the ball for an age until William Saliba, trying to get in front of Jamie Vardy, stooped to head past Aaron Ramsdale. As own goals go, it wasn’t a shocker; you can see why Saliba felt he had to play the ball.
In Scotland, Rangers lead St Johnstone 1-0 thanks to another goal from their midweek hero Malik Tillman.
Wolves 0-0 Fulham Morgan Gibbs-White has just missed a terrific opportunity to put Wolves in front, it says here.
Man City 3-0 Bournemouth Jack Grealish came on for Phil Foden at half-time, and why not.
“Watching the excellent games so far in PL, should I as a Man Utd fan be panicking?” says Francis Mead. “Look, don’t tell me, I know the answer full well.”
United are still in the race. Sadly it’s with Everton and Southampton, for possession of the Premier League Crisis Baton.
GOAL! Southampton 0-1 Leeds (Rodrigo 46)
Leeds have scored right at the start of the second half. A superb cross from Jack Harrison is tucked away by Rodrigo, his second goal in as many games.
Half-time reading
Peep peep! These are the half-time scores in the five Premier League games.
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Arsenal 2-0 Leicester Jesus 2
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Brighton 0-0 Newcastle
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Man City 3-0 Bournemouth Gundogan, De Bruyne, Foden
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Southampton 0-0 Leeds
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Wolves 0-0 Fulham
A notable scoreline in the Championship: Rotherham 4-0 Reading
You can follow all the games with our live scoreboard.
Manchester City, 3-0 up against Bournemouth at half-time. Who’ll be playing the Eddie Large role today? It won’t be Jerry Sadowitz, we know that.
Man City 3-0 Bournemouth “Rob, I know,” says Mary Waltz. “Early days, two games do not make a season, don’t overreact, etc, etc. I don’t care, City is a scary f’n team. They are going to crush all but a handful of teams this season.”
Arsenal 2-0 Leicester The referee gives Leicester a penalty for a foul by Aaron Ramsdale on Jamie Vardy – but it’s overturned after an intervention from the VAR official, Mr Michael Dean. It sounds like Ramsdale pulled out of the challenge, but Vardy’s muscle memory kicked in and he went down anyway.
Jamie Vardy wishing the VAR review screen was in the north sea
— Duncan Alexander (@oilysailor) August 13, 2022
Live scoreboard
You can check out all the other latest scores by clicking this thing.
The latest Premier League scores
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Jesus 2-0 Leicester
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Brighton 0-0 Newcastle
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Man City 3-0 Bournemouth
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Southampton 0-0 Leeds
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Wolves 0-0 Fulham
GOAL! Man City 3-0 Bournemouth (Foden 37)
It’s 3-0 to City, and Beast hasn’t scored any of them. Bournemouth made the mistake of crossing the halfway line and were punished on the break. De Bruyne timed his through pass perfectly to Foden, who forced a shot through Travers.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-0 Leicester (Jesus 35)
Gabriel Jesus gets his second, nodding in from close range after Martinelli’s corner was inadvertently flicked on at the near post by Vardy. There are bigger challenges ahead, but right now Arsenal look a seriously good association football outfit.
“Just had a quick scan through the first few minutes of the Clockwatch and saw references not just to Radiohead but Massive Attack as well,” says Josse McMahon. “ Unbelievable. Now I’m just waiting for someone to mention PJ Harvey and that will be a hat trick of my favourite artists in one afternoon.”
We just need Billy Sharp to bang one in for Sheffield United. Oh hang on, they’re not playing until tomorrow.
GOAL! Man City 2-0 Bournemouth (De Bruyne 31)
City double their lead with a goal of unobtrusive class. De Bruyne moves infield from the right, realises he can’t play Haaland through because he’s offside, and instead waves a shot into the bottom corner with the outside of his right foot.
“Timo Werner clearly left his bucket in Leipzig when he left for Chelsea,” says Brendan Large. “Go on Timo!”
I really hope he succeeds. Some of the abuse he received was scandalous.
The latest Premier League scores
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Arsenal 1-0 Leicester
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Brighton 0-0 Newcastle
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Man City 1-0 Bournemouth
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Southampton 0-0 Leeds
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Wolves 0-0 Fulham
GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Leicester (Jesus 23)
A lovely goal from Gabriel Jesus on his home debut. Actually, it might have been deflected, but he’ll not care. He received the ball on the left side of the area, looked up and floated the ball imaginatively across Ward and into the far corner. I think it nicked off Evans, though it’s hard to be sure. Either way, the shot was on target so it’ll go down as Jesus’s goal.
Man City 1-0 Bournemouth That’s three goals in just over half an hour for Gundogan at the Emirates Etihad, if you include his title-winning heroics against Aston Villa in May.