Bob the Drag Queen Does Not Want to Talk to You at the Airport

When it comes to travel, I like to be places but I don’t like to go places, if that makes any sense. The airport brings out the worst in me. I am tired. I am upset. I am grumpy. No matter how great my accommodations are, I’m just grumpy being there.

I also fly very often. On average, I am taking two flights a week. When I’m busier, I can fly up to five or six times a week. I’m also often on the first flight out. I’ll be at the airport for a 6 am flight. I will say, though, if you have a first flight out, there’s very little traffic at the airport. There’s not a lot of people there. The lines aren’t long. That’s what I appreciate about the first flight out.

When I think of my favorite places to travel, I always love going back home to Atlanta and going back to New York City. I know that’s such a basic American answer, but I will always love going back to one of the places I’ve lived for a long time. But to be totally honest, my favorite place in the world to be is home. Nothing hits like home.

Rapid fire

Window, middle, or aisle seat?

Window. If I’m being honest, I’m not really off that often in the back of the plane behind first class. But recently I bought a flight to Tennessee to go visit my family. I took my cousin and my partner down there and they were out of first class seats. So I was like, “I’m not gonna sit in first class and have them sit in the back.” So I did sit in the back recently. But I’m always in the window seat because I don’t want to get up for you to pee. Personally, I’m gonna hold it the entire flight.

Pack light or overpack?

I overpack when it’s for drag. Most of my travels are for drag and I usually have at least two big suitcases, if not three, and then a carry-on. When I’m not in drag, I pack pretty light. I have one bag that fits in the overhead compartment and can fit two or three outfits—that’s what I use when I’m not in drag.

Favorite way to pass time on a plane

Sleeping. I’m usually out before we take off the ground. The flight attendants always say to me at the end of a flight “Oh, you were sleepy.” And I’m like, “Yeah, aren’t you sleepy?”

But if I’m not sleeping, I will download videos on YouTube. I like to watch video essays, such as F.D. Signifier. I’ll watch those on the plane occasionally. Sometimes, if someone else is watching a movie that I really like, and I’m sick of watching it on their screen, I’ll switch over to watching it on mine. But yes, I will watch a movie on your screen, even for a full hour.

Biggest travel fear

I’m not really afraid of traveling but what I’m always worried about is that I’ll be stuck on the tarmac. I’ve been stuck on it several times. I’ve been stuck before they made that law where you can’t be on the tarmac for more than three hours. I once spent six hours on the tarmac.

And I hate having to de-plane. I hate when the fight has to turn back or land somewhere else because the pilot timed out on it. Like, “You can’t do math? Y’all can’t count yet?” And now I’m in Minneapolis with no accommodations! What’s going on?

I also don’t understand why they don’t de-ice the plane before we get on it. You didn’t know it had to be de-iced before we got on the plane? That’s crazy. Now we’re delayed!

Best tip for fighting jet lag

I think if you have pretty severe jet lag—such as when you go to Australia, you’re upside down, you’re on the other side of the world, and you’re living in the future—honestly, for one night, struggle through it and then reset.

Favorite travel snack

I love the nacho cheese Bugles from Hudson News. If you’re going to JFK and you want to eat something on the plane that’s not offensive to everyone around you, you don’t want it to smell, go to Planet Smoothie and get yourself an acai bowl. No one’s gonna complain about an acai bowl smell. People, do not bring fish on the plane. Don’t do it.

Go-to drink order on a plane

I love a Diet Dr. Pepper or Coke Zero.

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