‘COME AND TAKE IT, USDA’: Home Republicans Passionately Defend Milk

Congress is working out of time to go main legislative priorities earlier than the winter holidays, together with a authorities funding invoice, billions in emergency assist to Ukraine and Israel, and presumably harder immigration reforms.

So naturally, Home Republicans spent Wednesday passionately defending one thing else that they warned may determine the destiny of Christmas itself: milk. Entire milk, to be exact.

“We would like solely essentially the most dietary choice for Santa,” Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) argued on the Home ground. “Entire milk is the unsung hero of his Christmas journey.”

Santa Claus must drink entire milk “to journey the entire globe in a single evening,” she mentioned, maybe complicated the results of dairy with amphetamines. “Protein helps construct and restore Santa’s muscle groups. Hoisting heavy sacks of items up and down the chimney isn’t any straightforward activity.”

“You see, it’s not simply the magic of the season that helps Santa ship presents worldwide. It’s additionally the fortifying vitamins of entire milk,” Foxx continued. “Reflecting on Christmas traditions this yr begs the query, ‘If entire milk is an efficient choice to gas Santa’s extraordinary Christmas Eve journey, then why isn’t it an choice for American schoolchildren of their lunchrooms?’”

Whereas her issues about Santa’s muscle groups could also be actual, Foxx was really making the case for passing a invoice to permit entire milk again into college lunch packages. The laws by Rep. Glenn Thompson (R-Pa.) would bypass a USDA and HHS advisory committee of kid diet specialists ― and the dietary pointers they set ― to serve entire milk in faculties, which have solely supplied low-fat and fat-free milk for the final decade or so.

Rep. Bobby Scott (D-Va.), who led opposition to the invoice, famous that just about each main public well being group agrees that low-fat and fat-free milk are the healthiest choices for kids, as entire milk is larger in saturated fats. The American Coronary heart Affiliation, the American Public Well being Affiliation, and the American Academy of Pediatrics are among the many teams opposing this invoice.

However invoking so-called “specialists” wasn’t sufficient to waive Republicans off of this battle. Foxx supplied a strong counterpoint.

“I’d similar to to inform my colleague one thing that I believe will likely be straightforward to recollect about why we’re doing this,” mentioned the North Carolina Republican. “Scientists slash specialists designed the Titanic, amateurs designed… uh, designed… scientists, specialists constructed the Titanic, and amateurs constructed the Arc.”

When one Democrat steered that soy milk can be a greater, extra simply digestible choice in faculties than entire milk, Foxx scoffed.

“It isn’t milk. It’s a plant-based meals,” she mentioned. “It isn’t milk, so you possibly can’t name it soy milk. You’ll be able to name it ‘soy drink.’”

“Neither is almond milk,” Rep. Derrick Van Orden (R-Wis.) later insisted. “Milk comes from a mammal.”

Rep. Mary Miller (R-In poor health.) mentioned she helps the invoice and identified that she raised her seven youngsters on entire fats milk, and “they’re all inside regular weight.” (Saturated fats in entire milk can enhance your danger of coronary heart illness and stroke, not essentially your weight.)

“I even have acknowledged that youngsters with high-fat diets keep full longer,” she mentioned.

It was clear, even amid their jokes about this udderly ridiculous debate, that Republicans have been decided to defend entire milk on this battle in opposition to, properly, scientific proof.

“Let’s finish the battle on milk,” Foxx declared.

Rep. Cory Mills (R-Fla.) warned of the Chinese language Communist Celebration “infiltrating college lunches” if the U.S. doesn’t produce sufficient of its personal milk. He even introduced a poster that includes a milk carton with President Xi’s face on it, in opposition to the backdrop of the Chinese language flag.

That is about “safeguarding our nationwide safety,” mentioned Mills, providing an modification to the invoice to bar Chinese language Communist Celebration entities from placing their milk into public faculties.

However Scott identified that his modification is “pointless” since college lunch packages are already required to purchase home agricultural commodities, and there may be loads of milk to go round.

“I perceive that FACTS, for no matter motive, appear to sink in quite a bit slower on the left than they do in America’s get together,” Mills grumbled in response.

Rep. Tom Tiffany (R-Wis.) additionally confirmed up with a poster that learn, in all caps, COME AND TAKE IT. It featured a tiny brown carton of milk.

He gave a passionate protection of chocolate milk.

“Some might ask, why are we specializing in this situation?” Tiffany mentioned to his colleagues. “The USDA has its sights on eliminating chocolate milk in faculties. It’s now as much as us to behave.”

“Come and take it, USDA,” he taunted.

When Scott once more identified that baby diet specialists suggest that children follow low-fat and fewer sugary milks, Tiffany questioned the purpose of specialists.

“Ohhh, these specialists. These specialists. They’ve completed us so properly in the US of America. Why are we $33 trillion in debt?” puzzled the Wisconsin Republican, whose get together in 2017 overwhelmingly voted for trillions of {dollars} in tax cuts for wealthy individuals and companies.

“These specialists that instructed us that butter just isn’t good for us. Do not forget that?” he continued. “Nicely rapidly, they’re altering their tune on that.”

(Butter is nonetheless not good for us.)

Tiffany mentioned he’ll always remember the day that he was at an area fuel station and a college lunch director who he didn’t know got here as much as him and requested him to “inform the federal authorities to get out of our faculty lunch program.”

“I had a number of college lunch administrators throughout northern Wisconsin, in my district, say, ‘Federal authorities, keep out of our faculty lunch packages,’” he mentioned, maybe lacking the irony of his phrases and his actions. “‘We all know what we’re doing.’”

Scott replied that Congress ought to most likely base its choices “on science, not what any individual tells us on the fuel station.”

Ultimately, although, entire milk overcame its haters. The Home handed the invoice, 330 to 99, and should have saved Christmas.