Commenters on a viral internet post banded together to offer advice to one new mother who said her husband’s behavior has become increasingly shady and demanding.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/theCrazyone27 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) detailed her husband’s erratic behavior and recounted the events that led the couple into an explosive, early-morning argument.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole]: for snapping at my husband after he told me to go make dinner at 2 in the morning?” the post has received more than 7,300 votes and 1,000 comments in the last day.
Beginning with the explanation that she and her husband recently welcomed a child, the original poster said her husband has been regularly returning home from work during the early morning hours. Adding that she is exhausted from spending every night alone with an infant, the original poster said she rarely makes dinner for her husband and that the arrangement was working smoothly until one recent night.
“My husband has been coming home late recently. I’m talking 2-3 [a.m.] kind of late,” OP began. “I don’t know what he’s doing out that late at night but he says his evening shift [tends] to extend and he works ‘extra’ hours.”
“Normally when he’s out so late I have my dinner and [don’t] put anything aside for him because he obviously eats at work like he said,” OP wrote.
“On [Thursday] I get woken up by him shaking me at 2:45 in the morning,” OP continued. “I ask him what he want[s] and he tells me he’s hungry and wants to eat.”
After explaining that she hadn’t prepared anything, the original poster said her husband became enraged and berated her, waking up their child in the process.
“He loses it on me and asks ‘Are you f**king crazy? Ate at work?'” OP wrote. “He then demands I go make him dinner.”
“He then throws at me that he was working all day then asks what I was doing all day. The baby gets [woken] up which makes me madder,” OP continued. “I start arguing with my husband and he storms out of the room saying I should make it up to him after I decided not to save dinner for him then goes on [to] comment on how much I eat and how much weight I’d put up lately.”
“I refuse to make dinner and he ends up going to sleep without eating anything,” OP concluded. “He goes into [a] radio silence state after, telling me he works hard for this family compared to me and that the least I could do is have dinner ready for him whatever the time is.”
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For couples, one partner coming home late every night can cause anxiety and heighten tension in a relationship.
While many partners quickly jump to the conclusion that arriving home during the early morning hours is indicative of infidelity, relationship advice blog AskApril recommends that both men and women examine the larger picture before making assumptions.
However, in the case of the viral Reddit post, OP’s husband’s late nights are seemingly the tip of the iceberg when it comes to harmful behavior.
Marriage.com, a separate online platform for marriage and relationship advice, asserts that a husband’s behavior qualifies as controlling when he takes “charge of every aspect of a [spouse’s] life and relationship, leaving [them] to feel totally out of control.”
Among Marriage.com’s list of behaviors often exhibited by controlling husbands are nitpicking, manipulation, criticism and making a spouse feel guilty for not indulging his every whim.
Throughout the viral post’s comment section, Redditors were adamant that an outburst about not having dinner ready at 2:45 a.m. is a major red flag and encouraged the original poster to reevaluate her relationship and her safety within it.
“What the f**k?!” Redditor u/princess_banana_ exclaimed in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 16,000 votes.
“You don’t know what he’s actually doing and he clearly doesn’t know what’s involved in being the parent at home with a newborn,” they continued. “AND he mentions your weight?!?!…why are you with this guy?!”
Redditor u/looj87, whose comment has received more than 4,000 votes, offered a similar response and offered a stern piece of advice to the original poster.
“Why can’t he make his own food like a grown adult?” they questioned. “This is an abuse situation and you need to look at your life and decide if this is what you want.”
“He’s clearly not helping with the baby or the house, he’s verbally and emotionally abusing you, now he’s messing with your sleep and attacking your appearance,” Redditor u/MissionRevolution306 added. “You need to get a plan to leave this marriage ASAP, he’s escalating with you and you are not safe.”
