Millennials take parenting very seriously

“The circles of comparison are bigger, deeper and more accessible than ever before,” said Matthew Zakreski, 39, a Roxbury, New Jersey-based child psychologist and father of two young children. “Because of the way our brain is programmed, we ask ourselves: What are the others doing? Why am I not doing it? What do they know that I don’t? That sends us into an anxiety spiral and we search for information to fill that hole.”

Nicole Pappas Ferrin, principal of Barrow, an early childhood school in Manhattan, and a 39-year-old mother of three, agrees. “There is a millennial culture around information,” she said. “We research the tape we’re buying, we look at the reviews, even if we’re just buying a tape. Parenting: These are the big decisions. You want to do well.”

When he started at Barrow Street 15 years ago, parents “were like, ‘Take my son, have a nice day, let them play,’” he said. Now, “they want to know why we do what we do, how we do it. That’s positive.”

Who cares about pitying others?

The effect of this abundance of information is being felt everywhere from school drop-off times to play dates, with millennials taking parenthood so seriously that it could prompt older generations to put their heads down. blank eyes. Bridget Shirvell, 37, of Mystic, Connecticut, was at a birthday party with her daughter when another child threw a tantrum because she was leaving. “The mother was trying to talk about her feelings and one of her grandparents present said, ‘How are you doing with respectful parenting?’” Shirvell narrated. “He just wanted me to put the kid in the car and drive away. But I thought, ‘You’ve got to get him off your back. We have to work for long-term results,” she said.

“We are working on the relationship that we are going to have with this child in 20 years,” he added.

New parents have always been preoccupied with raising their children and often only talk about their children, especially with other parents, but for this generation, it can be like studying for a PhD at an imaginary university, with endless homework. and classes. “We are turning to the same books, the same podcasts, the same Instagram people,” explained Heidi Fichtner, 40, of Rochester, New York.