The mother of a 14-month-old baby wrote to Reddit wondering how other parents would handle a situation she and her husband found themselves in. She asked people in the “r/parenting” subreddit what would be your response to your partner asking to take a “break” from parenting duties.
The mother was seeking advice after her husband asked her for ‘a day off’ to look after their baby.
She described her daughter as having “a lot of energy” and explained her typical schedule: she and the baby wake up at 7 a.m., eat breakfast, go out, play, read, and then the baby naps around 11 a.m.
But on the day the mother posted on Reddit, the baby refused to take a nap at the usual time. She further explained that that day, her husband woke up around 10:30 am, showered, drank coffee, and then asked to have the rest of the day to himself.
Photo: Tatiana Syrikova / Pexels
She reported feeling conflicted with her husband’s request, saying, “On one hand, I understand, but on the other, I really feel like ‘too bad, so sad.’” While she expressed that her goal was to be objective about her request, she also felt that “it puts ALL the rest of the day” in it.
The mother revealed that her husband said he was “having a bad day” and wanted to stop taking care of their baby for the rest of the day.
Most of the comments from other parents suggested that she go along with his request for a day off, as long as she can also take a day off from babysitting in the near future. Several parents noted that in an ideal world, parental responsibilities would be divided equally; however, the reality is that parenting work is not always divided equally.
Photo: Pixabay / Pexels
As one parent said, “It’s never 50/50. One of us is always going to be doing ‘more’ and the other is doing ‘less’,” noting that they do what they can to “make them feel like it’s fair, they can communicate before resentment builds up, and they’re always doing what they can. to support each other.”
Someone else spoke directly to the mother and said, “You both are going to need days like this sometimes and you both need to be honest with each other about it. Give grace to one another.” Another person echoed that sentiment, saying, “Sounds contradictory, but you’ll both be better parents if you take a break from time to time.”
The mom who made the original post took to the comments to answer a question from a Reddit user, who asked if she was getting the same opportunity for a break. She responded that her husband volunteered and told her to let him know if she wanted a break. However, she reported, “I don’t think she can ‘take time off’ at home without feeling guilty or not wanting to hang out with my daughter.”
Her response seems to be where the crux of the conflict lies: the mother doesn’t feel like she can ask for a break in the same way as her husband. Mom’s fault is a big dilemma that stems from the strongly held societal idea that motherhood is an all-encompassing role and that asking for help makes you an inferior parent.
Parental burnout is a very real part of parenting.
According an article published by Healthline, burnout is defined as “the result of prolonged stress in which the demands placed on an individual exceed their ability to meet expectations”. Healthline graciously acknowledged that if you are a parent experiencing burnout, “You are not a bad person. You don’t need to live like this either. There are ways to cope with the situation.”
They suggest that the first step in overcoming burnout is to be open and direct with your partner about how you feel, which is exactly what the woman’s husband did.
Photo: Gustavo Fring / Pexels
As someone commented on her post: “He seems very self-aware and coming to you in a vulnerable place, with stressors of parenthood, this is good news.”
Healthline also emphasizes being patient with yourself and holding on to the understanding that being a parent, no matter how much you love your child, is inherently stressful. Scheduling breaks, even if it’s just 20 minutes a day and even if it’s just to take a deep breath, is undeniably valuable.
Needing time away from your children does not make you a bad parent. It simply means that you are human, with valid needs and vulnerabilities, and sometimes a break is the best you can give yourself.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer for the YourTango news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis, and all things related to the entertainment industry.
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