Mum’s severe anxiety left her bedridden and ‘not even able to look at son’

A woman whose debilitating anxiety left her signed off work for over three months following a nervous breakdown has revealed that up to 100 hours of therapy helped her grasp “how much pressure” she had been placing on herself. Kelly Jeffery, 41, a business operations manager based in Hampshire, said that a combination of a broken relationship and a missed career opportunity in 2022 triggered what she describes as a “full mechanical breakdown”.

In the aftermath, Kelly found herself bedridden and unable to wash, brush her teeth or “even look after” her son. She initially received six sessions of therapy through her employer, which she said only “scratched the very tip of the iceberg” before she turned to private treatment.

Kelly credited her private therapist with transforming her outlook, taking her from believing she was “unlovable, unworthy, not good enough and ugly” to now recognising that her “core beliefs” are “completely different” almost four years later. She feels strongly that anxiety is an underestimated mental health condition capable of causing serious harm, adding that it is “probably more prominent than we think”.

Casting her mind back to her breakdown in October 2022, Kelly told PA Real Life: “I call it that because I’m an anxious creature by nature, but I had never before reached a point in my life where I couldn’t function. Maybe there’s the odd day where you don’t sleep, or a day where you don’t quite feel well enough to go to work because you’re a bit jumbly in the nerves.

“But I could barely even look after my child and I could barely even get out of bed to wash or brush my teeth. It was a full mechanical breakdown of a human being and it shocked the life out of me.”, reports MyLondon.

Kelly revealed she has battled anxiety throughout her entire life, yet had assumed everybody else experienced the same and simply “just dealt with it”. For Kelly, it manifested as “imaginary scenarios” in which she attempted to predict what others thought of her and would then agonise over those concerns.

She said: “It was reading every situation that you’re in, with your guard up in every moment, and comparing yourself to every person.”

Kelly explained that anxiety in academic and workplace environments appeared manageable during her younger years, yet personal romantic relationships were “much harder” as she would find herself “stressing over where they are, what they’re doing or who they’re talking to”. As a result, Kelly was frequently branded a “very emotional person” or a “cry-baby”, which would trigger physical symptoms of anxiety as well.

Kelly said: “I suffered physically with a feeling of dread, trembling hands, cold sweats, a heaviness in my stomach, feeling sick and actually sometimes physically being ill.”

When her relationship came to an end in 2022, Kelly described the split as “largely amicable”, yet she required “a couple of weeks off from work” to deal with practical matters such as the mortgage and furniture while her former partner moved out. As a newly single mother, Kelly felt a mounting pressure to perform at her best professionally in order to support her son financially.

By October 2022, she was due to face an interview panel at work regarding a potential promotion, though she admitted the anxiety had “already started bubbling” several weeks beforehand. Kelly took advantage of six complimentary therapy sessions through an employee assistance programme, but conceded they “didn’t really get much further” than her “offloading everything” that she was struggling with.

She said: “We just scratched the very tip of the iceberg. I don’t know that we really got to do very much actual mending of any of my thought patterns.”

As the six weeks drew to a close, Kelly faced the interview panel, which ultimately decided against progressing with the green light for a pathway towards promotion for her at that time. With the enormous pressure she had heaped upon herself to secure the associated pay rise, Kelly described how this setback folded her “like a deck chair”, triggering a complete nervous breakdown.

She said: “It took the wind out of my sails completely… it just destroyed me. In my mind, I heard, ‘You failed and you’re not good enough’.”

The moment she received the devastating news, Kelly was signed off work and ultimately stayed away for three-and-a-half months. During that period, Kelly admitted she could “barely get out of bed” and she “wasn’t taking care” of herself properly.

She initially attempted to protect her son from the extent of her struggles, explaining: “I’d get him off to school in the morning and then go straight back to bed. I’d stay there for most of the day, then get up just before he came home and try to make everything look normal.”

According to mental health and addiction treatment provider Priory, 46% of women say cost-of-living or financial pressures have impacted their mental health in the last 12 months, while 21% of working-age women say job insecurity or pressure at work has impacted their mental health too. Once her six weeks of complimentary therapy concluded, she transitioned to a private medical scheme.

This is how Kelly came to meet her latest therapist, Paul Regan, whom she describes as the person who “changed (her) life”. Beginning with weekly sessions in November 2022, Kelly revealed: “I went into therapy thinking I was unlovable, unworthy, not good enough and ugly.

“I came out of that now with core beliefs that are completely different and I’m not focusing on my outward appearance. There are so many things that I’ve learnt about myself through this process that I would never have known.”

Kelly revealed that her therapist estimates she has undergone up to 100 hours of online-based therapy since 2022, including moments when she has experienced wobbles with her mental health. These encompass a spell in mid-2023 when she was feeling particularly anxious about a relationship, during which she admitted feeling “frustrated” with herself for falling into old thinking patterns.

Kelly said: “I’d called my therapist (Regan) one day from a service station… and I said, ‘Please help me, I don’t know what to do’. The only thought I had in my head every time I passed a lorry (while driving) was (swerving) and that would be that.”

Kelly explained that therapy has helped her gain perspective and described it as “genuinely the best thing” she has “ever done” owing to how much she has discovered about herself. Reflecting on her remarkable progress, she said she is “really proud” of herself and “very grateful” for the support she has received.

Kelly added: “Therapy will be the best thing you ever do. That’s my message to people – if you really commit, it can make all the difference.”

With anxiety and depression rates continuing to climb across the UK, mental health and addiction treatment provider Priory has unveiled a new campaign, Support to Find your Way, offering free self-care resources and professional support through its website.

Call Samaritans for free on 116 123 or visit samaritans.org.