My Husband Is Dying. How Do I Talk to Him About It?

You can ease into the business conversation by starting to talk about your grief, which might go something like this: “I love you so much, and I want us to be able to talk with each other about the huge loss we’re facing together. I’m already unable to imagine life without you, and I want to know what you’re going through, too. I don’t want either of us to go through this alone.”

Your husband might not know how to articulate his feelings, but you can ask questions to help guide him: Is there anything you want to say to me now? What are you afraid of? What would comfort you?

You can also ask about medical wishes: What kind of care do you want if things change? Who should make decisions? What matters most — being at home instead of hospitalization? You can also gently ask about his wishes around legacy: What do you want me to carry forward? What do you want me to remember most? What would make you feel that your life continues to matter? (For example: My dying patient wanted to work on her obituary with me.)

I’m in no way suggesting that all this happens in one conversation. But by opening the door, you make space for the other important topics, too. Once you start sharing your hopes and fears, your anger and sadness, your love and gratitude, you create a way to communicate about every other difficult thing through the language of honesty, intimacy and trust. Then it feels natural when you tell him that you’re worried you won’t know what to do with the business, and that this anxiety is distracting you from what means the most: focusing on being present with him right now.

He might even feel relieved that you brought this up because most people who are dying find it comforting to know that their loved ones will be OK. Perhaps the two of you will also consider bringing in a financial professional to help navigate this transition, so you both feel secure that you have the support, should you need it, of another person who has the necessary knowledge to help you run the business smoothly, too.

The business conversations matter, and you should make sure to get all the information you need. But don’t let them become a substitute for the conversations that might turn out to be among the most loving and meaningful of your marriage: What it’s like for him to be dying, what it’s like for you to be losing him and what you both want to say while you still can.

Want to Ask the Therapist? If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.