The debate on traditional gender roles has taken a turn

He also called for more social media influencers who promote healthy masculinity to younger men.

Mr Ghazali Muzakir, 40, founder of Singapore Male Allyship Network (sgMAN), similarly hopes to reach boys and men directly through classes promoting a form of masculinity centred on socioemotional abilities, among other initiatives. 

Mr Ghazali recalled one teenager telling him that “the man of the house has to be a man” and that the boy had to lead the household and take care of his mother while his father was in prison. 

Other teens have also told him that men “must be strong”, “boys don’t cry” and “women are emotional” – words that they have heard from their own parents.

“As the older generation, we also have to ensure we aren’t passing down these traditional messages of masculinity, of emotional suppression, to our children,” Mr Ghazali said.

However, he noted that it can be hard to reach out to men who are not aware of how traditional values of masculinity can affect them and the people around them. 

On an individual level, AWARE said that everyone can play a role in shaping healthy masculinity.

“In conversation, be willing to interrupt and hold the person accountable. When someone makes a comment (in reference to a sexual crime) that ‘she was asking for it’, a question does more work than a lecture and costs less than what most men expect,” said the organisation.

“Older men have particular room to move here … Having a father, officer, or manager who can say that he is frightened or out of his depth, as well as able to hold someone accountable resets what is possible for the other men watching.”

For Mr Lim, the IT manager, this is a daily endeavour as he strives to teach his two teenage sons that masculinity can encompass space to be vulnerable, learn to care and put things down when they need to.

Mr Lim’s approach is to start open conversations with his sons about what it means to be a man, including watching and discussing the Netflix show Adolescence, which was released last year and touches on the rise of incel culture, masculinity and online bullying.

Incels, short for “involuntary celibates”, refers to a subculture of men who are misogynistic because they can’t find a romantic or sexual partner.

“I watch it with them, because I want them to be more aware of such content. My boy, he knows Andrew Tate these days, so he asked: ‘What did he do?’ I broke it down with him. But at the end of the day, as a father, I tell him he has to make his own decision for himself, but this is my take,” Mr Lim said.

When Mr Lim’s eldest son gets into conflicts with his younger brother and wants to get into a physical fight, he prompts his sons to reflect if it is really “boyish” or “manly” to hurt someone, and to explore better ways of dealing with feelings of annoyance.

“I am not perfect. I am highly flawed as a human, and I do my best to try to be a role model for the boys. And it also comes down to role-playing what I feel masculinity should be in this day and age, such that they can learn to be better.”