We’re here to guide you through the coronavirus lockdown. Check out HuffPost LIFE for daily tips, advice, how-tos and escapism.
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40% of parenting small children is just saying â€œwowâ€ and â€œcoolâ€ when you donâ€™t mean it.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) May 24, 2020
I want the confidence of a toddler who picked out her own outfit.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 27, 2020
You feel like youâ€™re an okay parent winging it as best as possible and then you ask your almost 4yo what her favorite number is and she says â€œAâ€.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 25, 2020
So my 3 year old was drifting off to sleep last night when she suddenly popped up and said to me:
â€œWe are now on a different planetâ€
Then she immediately fell asleep.
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) May 25, 2020
8-year-old: Are we having pizza tonight?
8: Can you check again?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2020
If youâ€™re not power napping on the toilet are you even a parent?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 25, 2020
I wish someone had told me this parenting law:
The more excited I am about an activity with my kids, the less they will care about it.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) May 26, 2020
My 6 yr old just got mad at me and told me to mute myself
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) May 28, 2020
My 3-year-old calls corn on the cob porn on the cop and I will never correct him.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) May 25, 2020
â€œCan you help me with this?â€
– every kid, nearly every minute of the lockdown
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 25, 2020
My kids were crushed when I told them our Disney trip was canceled.
Partly because thatâ€™s the first they even heard of any Disney trip since we'd never planned one, but at least now they'll think we did.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 25, 2020
If you don't have one child you can trust to spy and tattle on their siblings, you're doing it wrong.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) May 25, 2020
(5 year old on his iPad reading app)
Me: whatcha doing?
5 year old: looking up ways you can get stronger.
5 year old: so you can play The Rock in my movie.
Me: I canâ€™t do that as I am?
5 year old: …
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) May 27, 2020
If my kids wind up growing into sociopaths and they question me for a Netflix special, I plan on answering all interview questions with â€œwhoopsie doodle.â€
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 27, 2020
My daughterâ€™s principal made a surprise visit to every 5th graderâ€™s house to hand out â€œclass of 2020â€ bags, t-shirts, and beach towels.
Let me tell you, you havenâ€™t lived until youâ€™ve stood in your doorway braless in pajamas chatting with your kidâ€™s principal.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 28, 2020
I gave the kids a big amazon box to play with and they all climbed inside and seemed happy so I taped up the box and returned it to amazon Iâ€™m sure theyâ€™re fine
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) May 25, 2020
Donâ€™t ever tell a child youâ€™re going to do something with them before youâ€™re ready to start the activity. They will be on you like white on rice. pic.twitter.com/278Wr75ifO
— Rideshare to FREEDOM 💣💣💣 (@Steph_I_Will) May 21, 2020
My kids always ask for things like, "Can I have four cookies because I'm four?"
By that logic, can I have 30 million dollars because I'm thirty?
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) May 25, 2020
Renamed my oldest kid Netflix because he's always asking, "Are you still watching?" even when he's showing me shit I've already seen.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 27, 2020