The Great Celebrity Bake Off 2022: episode five – live

05.58

Scott Bryan

I’ve not seen a baker as phenomenally unpredictable since Bake Off Jamie.

Marwaan is a show all to himself.

05.55

Michael Chakraverty

I think we can all agree that, despite (or because of) what we’ve just witnessed, Mawaan should definitely join a regular series of Bake Off. Perhaps just as a fun contestant to cut to when things get tense?

05.54

Scott Bryan

I don’t think he’s going to get Star Baker.

05.54

Michael Chakraverty

He flew too close to the sun. Paul Hollywood’s mahogany face has shattered into a hundred pieces, and Mawaan is on the floor howling at the tent’s unflinching peaks.

05.53

Scott Bryan

Mawaan twenty minutes ago: “They should have gotten real bakers in.”

Mawaan right now “I should go on the real Bake Off”.

This was moments after pushing liquorice allsorts into his eyes.

05.52

Scott Bryan

The brandy has well and truly snapped.

05.51

Michael Chakraverty

Mawaan, perhaps unsurprisngly, is struggling to form a face from his melted/burned cheese-slop.

05.50

Scott Bryan

Why do I have a sense of foreboding and pure fear all of a sudden?

05.50

Michael Chakraverty

“RuPaul’s body and breasts have entered the oven”.

05.48

Scott Bryan

SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH IN BISCUIT FORM.

05.48

Michael Chakraverty

New Drag Queen Name: Brandy Snap.

05.48

Scott Bryan

Here’s some other amazing celebrity memories.

05.47

Michael Chakraverty

RuPaul looks like he’s been rolled unnervingly thin. And let’s hope Ellie’s David Attenborough is a bit more successful than his last depiction in the tent…

05.47

Michael Chakraverty

I’d like a celebrity special to be entirely made up of Drag Race alumni. Can you imagine the carnage?

05.46

Scott Bryan

Tracy-Ann: “It currently looks like two fallopian tubes but it will actually be RuPaul in biscuit form.”

Instead of coming out with RuPaul’s famous catchphrase (“if you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love somebody else?”), Tracy-Ann instead came out with a slightly more bleak “if you don’t love yourself then nobody else is ever going to love you.”

05.45

Scott Bryan

SOPHIE IS BAKING A BISCUIT KATHY BURKE. THAT IS ALL.

05.44

Michael Chakraverty

They said the word “sucking” a lot didn’t they? I couldn’t focus on anything else.

05.43

Michael Chakraverty

Prue is hoping the bakers will “astonish us”. I imagine that’s likely, though it may not be for the right reasons.



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