What can I do if my daughter’s father shows up drunk?

My ex and I have a 13 year old daughter. We never got married. After we broke up nine years ago (partly due to her drinking), she left the country. I never filed for sole custody. We agreed that our daughter would live with me and he never paid anything. He recently moved in and has been having dinner with her once a week. He’s getting used to having him in her life. The problem: twice he has shown up drunk. Most recently, he was very late, not responding to her many text messages, and he was sick in front of her. When I asked her to leave, we argued, which really upset my daughter. (He denies having a drinking problem; he often denies drinking.) How can I help my daughter manage this relationship?

MOTHER

I share your concern for your daughter. It is very important that she not ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking, or be left alone with someone who is too incapacitated to care for her. She’s starting to drill that into his head now! And it’s unfair to ask her, at 13, to police the behavior of adults. (No “call me if it seems weird”). She’s too young for that, and it may be hard for her to rat on her father. Tell your ex that her visits must take place at your home.

Now, in many states, when an unmarried woman gives birth, she automatically becomes the child’s sole guardian until a court rules otherwise. Check the laws in her state. No further action on her part may be required, but if so, she requests to become the sole legal guardian of her daughter now to ensure her decisions take precedence.

The hardest part of this story may be your ex’s dishonesty about your drinking. She makes him an unreliable father, which can be upsetting to her daughter and prevent her from trusting him. Encourage her to talk about this or, better yet, find her a teen chapter of Al-Anon in your area. If you are going to have a problem drinker in your life, give them the tools to handle it.

When cutting a guest list, don’t use a scalpel

My fiancée and I are planning our wedding. (It’s my second marriage, her first). We made an initial guest list of 60 friends and relatives. We want an intimate meeting that includes all the people who are important to us. Our question: Can we eliminate the pluses when we are friends with only half of a couple (whether married or in a relationship)?

future boyfriend

You could see getting away with a plan that breaks with tradition and cuts out the ones you’re not close to if your guest list reaches a dozen. People would understand that it’s a very small, personalized guest list, though I bet you’d still upset some of the excluded spouses and significant others. You’re not saying you don’t know them, just that they don’t qualify. (Oh!)

But a party of 60 is hardly intimate, even if it’s smaller than many in the wedding-industrial complex. It’s too crowded I think, letting some guests bring couples and turning others away. Your guests will be comparing notes and their feelings may be hurt. Still, it’s your wedding: you can invite whoever you want. But I’d hate for a surgical guest list to overshadow your happy day.

The other woman in the group chat

My husband and I have been together for 11 years. He is very close with his friends and is part of several large group texting chains. One of the threads includes a woman he hooked up with several times long before we met. They never went out or anything. Still, it bothers me that I have to hear from her in these chats. Am I being unreasonable?

WIFE

If I understand you correctly, you don’t mistrust your husband or suspect his friend. And wisely, I think, you’re not asking him to leave a friends chat simply because he hooked up with one of them long before he met you.

That leaves three options for handling your feelings: Leave the chat. (They are friends of your husband, you say). Silence the woman, if you’d rather stay. Or learn to put up with mild discomfort like everyone else in the world.

A Case of Buzzer’s Remorse

After years of struggling with thinning hair and hair loss, I decided to shave my head. I thought it would give me a self-confidence boost. However, as soon as the barber started shaving me, I regretted my decision. I’ve received positive feedback about my bald appearance, but I’m afraid it’s too drastic. So, I’ve been wearing hats. Should I grow my hair out or stick with my new look?

YOUNG MAN

Take it easy! Almost everyone is aware of something, and feeling ambivalent after a big change is natural. I have no idea how you should comb your hair. But I did ask my great hairdresser, who told me his urge to go short on him was wise, but that he may have been overzealous in cutting it all off. Let your hair grow back half an inch in length. This will draw less attention and avoid appearing extreme.

For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip On twitter.